The Story Took On A Life Of Its Own

I must amend the statements made my last discussion on the current WIP. In the last post, I stated that the first episode was only supposed to cover years 7-11. Well, suddenly, it has grown. I am now at 1997. A terrible year.

Instead of going too far in depth, I have tried to stick with what is truly important to the story. Visions and Dreams. And the pain along the way.

We’ve Been Here Before….

Sorry about yesterday…the reblog was actually meant for my lyrics site. Since I am busy working on the next two books in The Morrow Family Saga, I have not had time to keep up with my blogs….or to finish the current WIP on here.

I have also been busy broadening my market. As soon as I can afford to, I will be printing paperbacks through  Barnes & Noble for all of my current library of finished works. At the same time, I may be pulling books from Amazon. Not sure yet. Just depends on what happens when the ‘new’ releases (B&N) come out.

Universal FuckUp

Humanity, it seems, is a universal fuckup. For all our brilliance and ingenuity, we are still the uncivilized savage. For all our advancements, we still cling to tradition. And myth.

It is a known fact that we only know roughly 7,000 years of our history, 3,000 of this due to archeology and science. It is also known that a minority among us are willing to throw away the known for an ignorant guesstimate based on a faulty timeline that could be more myth than truth. Why? Because the truth doesn’t fit in their religious plans.

But what if we found the “magic bullet” that proves that man has existed for billions of years, rising and falling, his “civilizations” rising and waning, eventually crumbling and vanishing after he has risen just so far. And what if his violent and destructive tendencies are the very reason he never advances beyond certain levels? What if his pride and arrogance, his disdain for nature, is the very reason he has not risen any further?

Being an author, I tend to call into question much of what I have been taught to believe. It makes me ponder if all that we know is the extent of what has been. Hell. I question the validity of everything.

While we do actually have the “magic bullet”, we are still unable to believe that it exists. Our traditional view of the world tends to deny facts (an ever present reality in today’s pseudo-religious politics) based on our limited knowledge. This knowledge tends to be based on one of three incomplete (and possibly mythical) histories held within one of three religious beliefs. While I tend to side with the far more ancient world myths where a plausible past is concerned, though extremely loosely, I am also the first to admit that the fossilized human footprints in Crete do not coincide with any tradition and literally challenges, dated at 6,000,000 years old, they oppose the idea that man has only been here for a little over 7,000 years. They are also 3,000,000 years older than the footprints found in Tanzania which causes the age of man to be much older than previously thought.

It is advances such as these that the religious community fear. It calls into question their power, a power based on an already faulty age count. It calls into question the validity of the mythology they have set into place to explain man’s place on this planet. They fear that if the truth is known, religion will forever be lost.

They have already forgot that religions have come and gone, being replaced with new religions or recycled versions of old ones. There really isn’t anything new under the sun. This life, this existence, this moment–they have all happened before, all ending the same cataclysmic way…with the fall of man back into savagery. And all this with one hope: That man finally overcomes his less endearing qualities so that he might accidentally rise above what he has previously been over several ages.

 

An Easter Message

Well, look. It’s Easter, a pagan celebration thinly disguised as a “Christian” holiday. It no longer matters that Easter is literally a combination of many different pagan celebrations, or that the bunnies and eggs were symbols of fertility to non-Christian people almost everywhere. Well, at least the egg was.

The rabbit is predominately Euro-centric, worshipped equally among both the Celtic and Germanic peoples of Europe. And the irony is not lost on me. None of the symbols that have been commercialized has anything to do with Christ. Nor is it really accurate to be celebrating his resurrection in our spring (we should be celebrating it in the fall/winter, as the Middle/near Eastern spring months are our fall months).

But then, so many of our “Christian” holidays are nothing more than glorified pagan rituals. And, again, the irony is not lost on me when “Christians” start claiming that their “holidays” are under attack. But their “holidays” are not theirs at all. They are stolen and repackaged. Possibly like their religion.

Oh. I am not claiming that Christ never came. Nor am I claiming that there is “no God”. Nor am I claiming to be an atheist, Buddhist, Muslim, or anything else. I have already stated that I am, in the view of most “Christians”, a Gnostic mystic with a slightly agnostic view. Not purely a disbeliever, I do have my doubts about how we paint God and Christ. I also have deep doubts as to the prophecies, since man continually takes it upon himself to fulfill everything…and tends to fuck it up beyond all recognition.

No, I believe that true belief is dead-along with Christianity-killed by those who use all religion as a reason to hate, oppress, and destroy without remorse. I also believe that if you give a man an easy path to choose, he will always, in veritably, choose the hardest path. No, humanity has never been a race that could ever take an easier path; the more caring and all inclusive path. In his mind, man believes that it is far easier to hate those who are different, reject knowledge for fear it might enlighten him, and oppress those they deem as weaker. He confuses lust with love, responsibility and duty with compassion, and selfish desire with example.

Indeed, if we truly knew the nature of “God” or of “Christ”, we might accidentally find that we have been wrong since the very beginning. But, then, so many today would much rather play “God” than follow him. Is here we are. Celebrating yet another thinly disguised pagan celebration in the name of a “savior” we really don’t follow. while falling for the same tired commercialization of religion and calling it “faith”.

Who woulda thunk it?

Never before had I ever had such trouble finding information in my life! I mean, who woulda thunk that finding the history of a local park was so hard! I have searched the web high and low for the info. I have sent emails to people I was told would know. I even sent to University of Iowa’s archives in search of the info. No answer.

Waubonsie State Park is a beautiful park filled with hiking trails and camping opportunities. I want to put it in the next book in the 1950s series of The Morrow Family Saga. The problem is that I have only one “I’m fairly certain” abut whether the trails existed in 1950. The park, itself, was created in the 1930s. But creation is not the same as everything being there by the 1950s. and two no-replies. Not a good omen when doing research for a book.

The problem is that Waubonsie has to be in one of the next two books. the end of the Iowa portion of the story is drawing near and I want the park to debut before Nattie loses her innocence and leaves Iowa.

I am probably going to make somebody mad, but I no longer care.

Remembering a discussion from last night…:

Am I the only one who sees it as hypocritical to acknowledge that there are “other gods” and yet claim to be “monotheistic”?

I saw the flaws in the Bible a long time ago when I was being forced to live and breathe the ten commandment along with the over 600 other “laws” including the holy days and food laws. I also saw the growing flaw in Christianity. The hate, the greed, the exclusivity spawned by multiple misinterpretations and misunderstandings of verses and books.

I was told last night by a practitioner of Judaism that the Jewish OT is not like the Christian OT and that they acknowledge that there are other gods and yet they consider themselves monotheistic.

Here is my point. Not all Greeks worshipped every Greek god or goddess, and not every Roman or Egyptian paid obeisance to all of their gods,yet they acknowledged that they existed. Greek cities had patron gods/goddesses which they devoted their worship to. Same with Rome and Egypt. Even today, India has some villages that are dedicated to a single Hindu god. And yet, we consider these people polytheistic.

And then there is Christianity which believes in the triune. (sort of like believing in a triple god/goddess, but claiming monotheistic status.)Three in one. I can list at least three three-in-one gods/goddesses (most Hindu gods and goddesses have three different “aspects”, the Morrigan was three-in-one. almost all Greek and Roman gods had three different aspects. I can go on, but I believe the point has been made.

So, other than claiming “monotheism”, what makes Christianity or Judaism any different than any other religion? Other than the exclusivity, from my point of view, both philosophically and reality, nothing. Not one aspect of either is unique. Except their claim of exclusivity.

Does this statement mean that I do not believe in God? No. Nor does it state that I do. This is an observation based off of a discussion and a long, drawn out comparison done (as I am a student of history and of mythology) between prevailing thoughts…and a study of the facts and how we have forever treated others, calling civilizations “polytheistic” and ourselves “monotheistic”.

To admit that there are other gods is, in itself, can admission of polytheism if we go on the view that Rome and Greece-and even Egypt and Ancient Sumer-were polytheistic simply because they acknowledged that other gods existed, but still only worshipped one in their own city. So are we truly “monotheistic”? Or are we, as I suspect, actually polytheistic but lying to ourselves by telling ourselves that we are not?

And if we are polytheistic, what happens if all our dreams and wishes never come to fruition? What is this is all there is and there will be no end to it all? What if, all this time, we have been fooling ourselves into believing that any and all prophecies are going to come true without realizing that we have been lied to?

Why Are People Afraid of Visionaries?

As I sit here pondering my next book, I can’t help but notice how much time I have put into trying to get other things done. I have been sending messages, seeking help on many non literary projects, and trying to get the ball rolling on change. But it seems that too many people, even those who advocate for change, are afraid of change.

It is almost as if they are afraid of the visionaries and innovators who step forward to answer the call. I have asked for help from educators and education associations. I have asked for help from as many sources, including state government agencies, that I could think of. No answer.

I have an education bill proposal I would like help on. It isn’t the only proposal I have been working on, but it is one of the more important ones. You see, to me, quality education is an important part of being able to function as an individual in the world. An educated individual, after all, will make an informed judgment on every level including when they go to vote. Knowing, as opposed to accepting what one is told, is the key.

But, here I sit. No one has answered my queries. No one seems the least bit interested. Are they afraid? Or are they having trouble believing that a average citizen would actually be educated enough to realize what needs to be done?

The Alarming Problem With Americans

As an American, I am growing ever more worried about my own countrymen. So many are adamant about their “gun rights”, but refuse to actually educate themselves (because they have been brainwashed to believe that it isn’t necessary) about the true reason for the Second Amendment. As all here know, I am big on knowing background on everything. Back when I was helping Kelly with her government class, I had to research both the Federalist and Antifederalist Papers. For those who do not know the difference, The Federalist Papers were written By Hamilton, Jay, and Madison in support for the Second Amendment to the Constitution while it was being debated–during the process of writing the Constitution. All of these Papers are about building a Federal army as well as state militias to defend the newly formed country. Nowhere in the papers is there a single mention of individual rights beyond the responsibility of being armed to serve in the militias/military. There was no mention of the right to bear arms being without this singular purpose.

Today, however, we have “gun rights” lobbyists and organizations who have distorted the Second Amendment to be individual freedom without a price. many people have been misled to believe that the “right” has no responsibility and that others will have to pry their guns out of their cold, dead hands. They refuse to talk reasonably about reform or restrictions. They believe that they are at war, to some extent, with the federal government and need their guns to wage their war.

 

This, my friends, is what mental illness looks like. An unreasoning obsession with a singular object, almost to the point of fanatical worship. This is why we have the problems we do. Too much propaganda and not enough common sense to go around. Yes, my friends, America suffers from a mental illness, gun mania. It is characterized by paranoia, obsession with guns and gun rights, unreasonable reactions to possible restrictions or reform, and the undying belief that the NRA always tells the truth.

It often leads to threats of violence against those who disagree and results in meaningless violence because nothing can get done to curtail the violence. They blame the violence on mental illness, but refuse to accept that their chosen officials are why there is so many mentally ill on the streets instead of getting proper treatment. Their memories seem conveniently short so that they cannot remember who legislated away mental health treatment, who made it easier for the mentally ill to obtain weapons, and who has removed the coverage needed for the mentally ill to pay for medication.

They conveniently blame the opposition for the messes their side has made. Odd, isn’t it, how convenient mental illness is for them to blame? Doesn’t it make you wonder if they even know that they exhibit many of the signs of mental illness as well?

The Face of It All

I sit here, in my living room, on the day I should be in Virginia. Why? Because of promises broken less than a week into the planning. Originally, my mother-in-law (Ruth) was supposed to help me with the plane tickets and accommodations. Yet, less than a week after she returned to Virginia, she called and asked if I thought I would be able to find my own way.

Knowing how Ruth is, this usually means that she has things other than being a compassionate, understanding person that she feels is more important. This, along with her selfish ideas on what constitutes a memorial service, spurred me into writing a letter to her minister imploring him to try to get her to see how a memorial is really supposed to be and that the wishes of the dead should be honored, despite one’s own feelings.

Subsequently, Ruth unfriended me because I told her that she needed to show more compassion, something she really does not know the meaning of. Oh, sure, she did send money. But that is not borne of a compassionate heart. That was borne from a view that she had a duty. Compassion sees no duty. Born from real love, compassion simply does without personal desires attached. It understands. It accepts the position of the other. And most of all, it treats all with respect.

It is one of the most important components in Love. It is what exemplifies that you have accepted and follow the truth. And that truth is that your wishes do not matter in the grand scheme of things. There are greater forces at work than you. You are finite. At least this physical shell is. Life itself goes on endlessly. And all life is linked.

But, here I sit. No plane tickets, no way to get to where I should be. Perhaps it is for the best. Maybe the universe is protecting those who are in the wrong from my deep mind. Or maybe something is about to happen that I did not need to be involved in. Either way, their little misguided world is safe. I am safe.

Of course, it is supposed to start storming later and I wouldn’t be able to leave Virginia and land in Omaha. Still, I will remember Kelly my way, the way she was. Not my preconceived notion of what I wanted for her. But then, I never expected her to change. To me, she was perfect the way she was, on the path she was on.

From this point on, I will have to remind myself that to stand in judgment of another is to stand in judgment of myself and to condemn another is to condemn myself. If I bind, so shall I be bound.

Living With Tinnitus

Imagine hearing a low hum constantly. Even in an empty room where there is complete silence.  This is the lower end of the tinnitus spectrum. A constant, almost unnoticeable hum. That never goes away.

Now imagine what I can only describe as having a jet engine’s high pitched whine in one, the other, or both ears. Or, maybe, a tornado. Although this is not an accurate description, it is as close as I can get.

Now imagine going through this on a daily basis at varying degrees. Most days could be at the low end of the spectrum, but the high end could strike at any moment, caused by any sound…or just the wind blowing in your ear. Or nothing at all. Onset can be heralded by a sudden case of vertigo or even a sudden loss of balance for no apparent reason.

Tinnitus, by definition, is the excessive vibration in the inner ear, causing a buzzing or humming sound that can only be heard by the sufferer. Even definitions cannot define or describe the attacks accurately. These minimally descriptive definitions mislead the majority of people into believing that tinnitus and its effects are “imagined” by the sufferer, even though it is very real and very devastating and debilitating to the one who suffers from it.

Side effects include vertigo, migraines, and temporary (sometimes for hours) deafness. Of course, all of this depends on the severity of the attack.  At the very least, someone speaking to a person suffering from an attack will seem muffled. At the very worst, the person will not be heard. Some attacks can make the sufferer physically ill or double over in pain. One famous sufferer, Vincent Van Gogh,  even cut off his ear and eventually went insane.

Upon hearing that one of my heroes, Eric Clapton, has come forward and admitted that he also suffers from it and is going deaf has caused me to reflect back on my own experience with this maddening problem. It also reminds me what can cause the problem. Yet, mine was not caused by fantastically loud guitars and concerts. Mine was caused by something much more mundane and yet, much more abusive.

When I was five, I had to have fluid drained from my middle ear. When it was through, I had extremely acute hearing. The doctor did warn my parents that I would probably have occasional bouts of tinnitus, but he thought it would clear up after my ears got used to not being full of fluid.He also warned them that there should be no loud noises or there could be the possibility that there could be nerve damage or permanent tinnitus.

So acute that I could hear a mousetrap being dropped five rooms away! My father, thinking himself clever, delighted in waiting until I was nearby, then dropping a mousetrap just to watch me jump because of the loud noise. And, as the doc had warned, I began suffering tinnitus. At first, it was the low  hum. But as my dad continued to persecute me with the traps, the tinnitus began to rise in pitch and severity.

It reached a peak when I was in my teens. I did not know when it would hit or at what decibel I would be enjoying my next bout.  People thought it was weird that I would lose my balance for what they thought was absolutely no reason (one of the reasons I never went pro as a boxer) or would have to stop and wait for “the colors” to go away so I could see. Some couldn’t even understand the connection between my migraines and my “inner ear problem”.

Over nearly 40 years (I am only three years short of the 40 year mark), I have staggered, lost balance, nearly fallen down stairs, winced in pain, had to cover my ears, had to stop for no apparent reason, or sit down for a few minutes simply because I was hit by a sudden barrage of sound that no one else can hear. I have gotten sick to my stomach, had to go lay down, had to brace myself, and had to suffer through migraines that caused me to vomit. I have had more times than I care to count where I had to embarrass myself and ask someone to repeat themselves because the tinnitus had started up and I did not hear a thing they had said.

I can attest that, at its worst, tinnitus is enough to make the one who suffers from it want to commit suicide. And yes, the thought had crossed my mind a few times about chopping off my ear just to find a little quiet. Both were never truly options to me, though. A buzz is bearable enough to stagger through life with and I can handle having that 747 take off in my ear from time to time as well. And though I don’t feel comfortable with asking people to repeat themselves, I will patiently do so as long as they are as patient with me as I am with them.

I was lucky enough for three and a half years, to be relatively free of much of the worst of my tinnitus. While Kelly was alive, my tinnitus had died down to a barely noticeable hum. The migraines and vertigo were almost nonexistent. I had stability and someone who understood my problems and was patient with me.

Now, my tinnitus is back with a vengeance. And I have nothing. No way to keep it at a minimum. If you remember, I told you at the beginning that tinnitus does not need a trigger. silent rooms can shriek louder than noisy ones. The irony is, with tinnitus, one learns that the old adage “silence is deafening” is very true because in silence, the plague that is that infernal hum of tinnitus can grow to a deafening roar.