Lofty Expectations

My life is stranger than fiction. I lose a client and gain a client. The problem is that one client is not enough to pay the bills.

So, to gain some equilibrium, I am going to have to take a couple terms off from college to take HRM exams so I ca become certified. I was hoping that I could wait on this but since the last scare with the school’s financial dept.,  I am thinking that I will have to be working at something more substantial than a minimum wage level job in order to be able to hold any hope of actually making any headway.

I had hoped to gain enough work as a ghost and as an editor to keep things afloat, but my original client, the one who had been a mainstay. decided to go on a 50,000 page expedition (he wanted me to write 50,000 pages (?) because “content and number of pages are the key to sales”. While I believe that 50,000 actually meant number of words, he took it to mean 50,000 pages. I warned him that nobody would even WANT to download it, let alone read it…but he thought I was just raining on his parade.

I hope, upon hope, that he will come back…but who knows? In the meantime, I also hope to acquire more clients to meet with my needs. Still, certification would afford me a salaried job rather than a wage. And I am good at HRM.

At the same time, I have ideas going through my head. Not writing ideas, but business-related. Like flood control that doubles as sustainable energy+drinkable water. Or an idea on economic rejuvenation that takes the agricultural lifestyle of the area and turns it into a community based cooperative/collaborative effort to create both jobs and revenue for the area.

Unfortunately, these ideas are at a standstill while I await  answers.   As are the film projects I am trying to write proposals for.

Adding to this is new trouble from my mother. At the beginning of the year, I agreed to save money and buy her old car. When the college messed up on my financial aid, I ended up having to use the money I had already saved so that I could survive after missing out on last month’s stipend check.

Apparently, moms no longer understand how things that can go wrong sometimes DO go wrong. Oh,well. It’s just another Thursday.

Tirade # 1

I am really getting pissed with KDP. I have received a damn email TWICE stating that they “have noticed, in their review that material included in the book Long Cold Winter is widely available on the web. I have already removed it from Wattpad, so that cannot be the source anymore. I know it cannot be from this blog because I posted the chapters of both “Faust” and “Jesus Saves” here along with many of the short stories from my last collection. I am tired of the crap. If they can’t do their checking and just pass the damn book, I will just not issue it as an ebook. fuck ’em. I am not messing with them anymore.

I have had a day in hell today. I do not want to continue it. I no longer give a crap whether I have a dryer, it can go to the junkyard for all I care. I no longer want to deal with the repairman or my mother not wanting to be open to the idea that, yes, it COULD be the connection at the fuse box downstairs. I am tired of being asked to do things and then being treated as if I didn’t do my job. I am tired of being expected to relay messages and then being ignored because everyone else knows oh so much more than I.

If I seem like I am venting a little more than usual, I am. I have just had my fill of things for the day. Mom just doesn’t seem to understand that I can’t just get up at no 8 AM and make calls to the repairman anymore. I work NIGHTS. Well, until Thursday, anyway. then I have two day shifts. When, other than Saturday, am I going to have time to wait for the repairman to get here?

On Being A Little (A Lot) Rusty At Asking Someone Out…

For those of you who have been following my travails at trying to end this deafening silence I live with every day, perhaps I need to relearn how to do the social thing. I knew the minute I asked that it did not sound quite right. I will not go into what I asked, even though it was harmless. I will say that I think it was just the tone.

I am shy around women anyway. I get all nervous and I go to ask the right thing and…I automatically stick my foot in my mouth. suffice it to say that I embarrassed myself today. I was trying to ask a lady if she was interested in me, and the wrong thing came out. No, I was not rude. I was not crude. I am always polite.

I am a politely awkward man. Even in shyness I am polite. I can stumble all over myself and make people laugh at me, and still remain polite. But that is me. Polite even in embarrassment.

So I did not get the girl this time. I am not as assertive and self-assured as others are. Granted, I am harmless but when your tongue tends to bypass the brain and blurt things out, you tend to find yourself wondering what you could do different to fix your nerves or your social skills.

Add to this the fact that I have not dated for at least six years and you can see that I am not “up” on the current etiquette in dating. Besides. I do not know a lot of women in my area. Hell. I don’t know if there are any who are even interested in what I am.

I am not reclusive by nature, but this morning was enough to make me want to find the biggest rock to crawl under and hide. It did not go at all well. And it sure did not go how I planned (I had planned to ask other easier, less abrupt questions to lead up to the one that came tumbling out, but like I said my tongue overruled my brain.). No, I did not get suggestive or anything of that nature. I am too polite for that. Too nice.

Oh, well. Back to the drawing board. Maybe I will figure this all out. Who knows?