VII. BRIAN HART
As the evening wore on, I toyed with Connie’s wife. Then, as if sensing that I was growing bored, Hellena rescued me from the monotony. She took me by the hand and literally dragged me to a small group of men who awaited our arrival elsewhere in the room.
The first one to catch my eye was Brian Hart. Hellena introduced him to me as Bugsy. He wasn’t a handsome man, but he turned me on. Not rich, he still interested me. Never married, he was the perfect one for me.
He was successful, though, as a member of a legendary CPA corporation and had done well for himself, rising to become a senior public accountant. This meant that he did have a sizable income. In his mid-thirties, he was balding, little, and slightly husky in build. His voice was harsh and raspy, often breaking, and never suited for yelling. He had an easygoing personality, but a hidden temper that he tried to keep from those around him.
He had finesse and charm to spare, and a lavish generosity that seemed to come from nowhere. My interest in him was mostly of a sexual nature. I wondered if his physique hid a more primal side of him from us women…and especially me. I wanted him so bad I could feel it. But, I was forced to be patient.
I had to bear with Hellena and her desire to introduce me to the whole group. I smiled and gave hugs, sure to act as cordial as I could. I was ashamed to admit that my soul— no, my heart—stirred lustfully within me. It’s yearning, almost a burning beyond tolerance, overtook me at once. Never before had it been so strong.
I knew that I was about to use poor Brian, claiming it was in the name of love; but knowing as I did that it was not. I felt a sense of remorse so strong that I struggled to put it from my mind daily. But, all this was to overtake me in following days. This particular night, though, there was no such feeling of remorse as I thought of the less than average little man and the satisfaction I would get from bedding him for a night.
As Hellena led my gaze around the small group of men that had collected to be introduced to me, I couldn’t help but think of the little man. Yet, at the same time, I also found myself thinking about each of the men I was now meeting. I was making mental notes with each, putting them each in the order in which I determined to use them for the sexual gratification I could get from them. Not once did I even think of the cost of what I fancied. Not once did I believe that I would have children to raise, if even for a brief time in my life before having to give them up due to an illness that made me incapable to continue doing so.
But, as it was at that very moment, children were the last things on my mind. I could’ve cared less. I was selfish. I only thought of myself. My desires, my lusts alone, mattered. Sadly, I didn’t realize that all I did—and was about to do—came at a price. Everything came at a price. But, then, I was out of control.
I had no adult examples to follow.