about the last poem…

Not many know that I am still in contact with my eldest stepdaughter. The history between myself and her is long. I have been in her life since she was a baby. My own son, had he lived, would have been her age.

I started out as her uncle. I had married her aunt. I babysat her when she was three and four, after my first marriage imploded, and her mother was dating my cousin. Then, when she was eight or ten (probably more like ten. the relationship was six years long), I got involved with her mother.

My only mistake was marrying her mother and believing a bunch of lies. Lies about not being treated as I had been treated in my first marriage. Lies about her having changed. About settling down.

I did not learn, until I had been married to her-and after going to bat for her in her divorce from her first husband-for a couple of months that she was the same person. Domineering. Selfish. Jealous.

This was even more evident in how she treated her daughters. She totally ignored her eldest and doted on the youngest. Of course the youngest had seizures, but was just like her in attitude. Completely selfish.

Fast forward to now. It has been four years since the divorce. My ex has already lost control of the youngest. She is now ward of the state of Nebraska and in a facility. This leaves only one child as a source of income.

Sadly, my ex sees everything in terms of money. her relationships are based on the money she thinks she can drain from the man. Her relationships with her daughters are based upon what money and food stamps they also bring in. With the loss of the youngest, she is now desperate to keep the eldest confined at her side. Enslaved.

To make matters worse, there was a report of drugs possibly being in the home. Not to mention the fact that my ex is and always has been an alcoholic and would rather spend time in bars trolling for men than staying home and being mom and wife. I had that problem in the last two years of my marriage to her, but she got worse after the divorce. I had to extricate my stepdaughter twice from a bar where her mother had gone and gotten drunk.

Now, my stepdaughter is eighteen. By law, in most states, she is old enough to strike out on her own. And she desperately wants a life away from her mother. And I can’t blame her.

Before Thanksgiving, she had the counselor at the local high school call me. She wanted to move in with me. Although I would like nothing better than to give her that wish, I had to turn her down for two reasons. One, I am a single man and the presence of a young lady in the house would raise-unduly-the suspicions of this and surrounding communities. And two, I do not make enough to support two people.

The reason she wanted to move in with me was because she was tired of constantly moving, every time her mother got herself into trouble or got bored with a town. Or possibly ran out of men willing to be strung along. (I know, sounds like I am putting her down, but I’m not. She had at least a dozen on a string when she was married to me. I only found out about them at the end.) My little town has no more fools in it, since she burned through them (and her welcome) a long time ago.

This, my stepdaughter believed, would also force her to leave the school she was in. But it didn’t. Instead, she has to make the bus ride of at least 40 miles just to go to school. Insane. And wrong.

Why? Because her mother refuses to let her grow up and move out on her own like she wants to. And it all boils down to money. As long as she has control, she has the money. She can spend the money. She can mishandle the money.

Should she ever lose her daughter’s money, she would be forced to live solely on her own income. And she doesn’t want to do that. It would mean that she would have to cut her spending. It would cramp her style.

And so, she continues to abuse her daughter and her daughter’s income. She has stripped the money from her daughter so that she cannot leave. She tells her daughter, who is now 18, that she cannot leave. Even though, by law she has no power to keep her daughter there, she still forces an 18 year old to remain in the home.

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2 thoughts on “about the last poem…

  1. How horribly sad. Money aside, because being able to support you both is surely a requirement, I hate that this world is such that you can’t have her live with you without people running their mouths.

    My son just moved out and is living with his former stepfather, who he sees as his dad (he knows his real father and they do not have a relationship). I am sorry more can’t be done for her but I am glad you are there at least emotionally as a stable, father-figure regardless of blood or legal bond.

    1. thanks. I am trying to help her get out of the situation she is in with her mother, but it has been an uphill battle. I may have the situation taken care of, just needs a little time to take shape.

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